Content:Bopalanian
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The Bopalanians are a very quirky race. They are incredibly intelligent and can build absurdly powerful weapons, but have a total and absolute lack of any common sense, and thus their weapons are rendered useless. For instance, one of their mechs is a 100-foot long centipede-shaped walker. It is incredibly powerful, but will consistently run over itself when it tries to turn around, thus crushing itself. They live on planet Bopalis. Bopalanians are allies with nearly all of their sapient neighbors, but there is one planet, Lm-Nop, that they are vicious enemies with.
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[edit] Religion
Most Bopalanians do not have a religion, but for those who do, it's just as absurd as the rest of their culture. Common religions include:
- Waiting for the holy saint, "Legendary Holy One Who Whistles By Inhaling Instead Of Exhaling".
- Worshiping meatloaf as a divine energy.
- The belief that the body is a cage to one's spirit, and death is the only way to free it. This religion is inexplicably dissipating very rapidly! No one knows why!
- One word: Counting is satanic.
[edit] Government
The government of Bopalis almost remotely makes sense. A first!
It revolves around one capital building, uncreatively named the Grand Capital. Although the Grand Capital seems like a logically built structure, it is in fact anything but. Barrels of toxic waste are stored for no apparent reason above the grand concourse hall, a planetary self-destruct button is located within a not-so-secret container, and there is an enormous stockpile of apocalyptic weapons of mass destruction simply sitting around, waiting to be set off. Also, similarly to the Empire State Building, the Grand Capital building has a large antenna at the top, which acts as a lightning rod. Unfortunately, enemy planet Lm-Nop uses lasers that work on the same principle as lightning, and thus most attacks are attracted straight to the Grand Capital.
Within the Grand Capital are two documents which control all of Bopalis. They are the Bopalanian Constitution and the Prime Laws of Bopalania. The Constitution sets the basic guidelines. Unfortunately, these guidelines are the following (As written on the constitution):
IF YOU BREAK DA LAWS THEN YOU'RE IN BIG BIG TROUBLE!!!
That's it.
The Prime Laws of Bopalania are slightly more logical, which of course doesn't say much. It consists of (currently) exactly 1,000 "prime laws," which cannot be overruled by anything other than themselves and the constitution, and cover all of Bopalis without exception. Laws include (By number):
- 6 - It is illegal to not exist.
- 14 - No set of laws may have a Law #14.
- 15 - Laws may not be repeated.
- 16 - Laws may not be repeated.
- 374 - One's feet must not touch the ground when they are closing the refridgerator.
- 375 - It is illegal to wonder why Law #374 is inforced.
[edit] Military
Due to their incredible supergenius intelligence level (The average Bopalanian would have an IQ of 500 by human standards), Bopalanian military is exceedingly powerful and most of the weapons (Such as the Doomsday Bomb) are absolutely ingenius. Unfortunately for the Bopalanians, their total and absolute lack of all forms of common sense destroys all possibilties of actual military dominance. Here is a list of common military weapons:
[edit] Smash Mech
Smash Mechs, surprisingly enough, actually happen to work right. They are one of the few Bopalanian inventions that does not have any extremely glaring flaws. The Smash Mech uses the spiked ball on its right arm as its primary attack. The antennae spikes and claw can also be used as weapons, as well as just its massive size. It has lasers within the "eyes," which are primarily used as tools, but can be used for weapons as well.
[edit] Crawler
Sadly, not all Bopalanian mechs work well, and saying "not all" seems generous. The Crawler seemed like a good idea: Large, centipede-shaped robot walker with dozens of weapons stored inside. It works well at first, but is near impossible to steer without tipping over, and when it does it tends to overdo it and drive over itself, thus crushing the interior.
[edit] Doomsday Bomb
A true marvel of engineering. The Doomsday Bomb is the ultimate weapon. It works by storing energy, then releasing it on contact, creating a massive explosion about equal to an atom bomb. It then magnetizes back together and gets shot away by the force of its own explosion. It then takes in air through vents, absorbs the kinetic energy, and uses that to explode again. This eventually leads to the entire planet being destroyed. Unfortunately, the bombs, once finished, are impossible to move without detonating, and thus Bopalis is stuck with hundreds of thousands of bombs that could explode at the touch of a gnat and destroy the entire planet. Doomsday Bombs are virtually unstoppable, and can only be captured in a blast-proof chamber which is quickly emptied into a vacuum, thus stopping the bomb from gaining any energy. However, this is exceedingly difficult, as the bomb is about the size of a pack of life savers.
During production, the Doomsday Bomb was codenamed "Project Apocalypse."
[edit] "The Gun"
Ever heard of weapons with weird codenames, like the AK-47? What does that mean, anyway? Well, the Bopalanians take that to the extreme, with a gun bearing a codename so strange and unweildy, it has to be referred to simply as "The Gun" because of its inability to be pronounced. The name is written (But not pronounced) as The K-9-24-5-10-9-
-
-
-
-Ε-D-
-4 Machine Gun. Nobody really knows what the crap in actually means, but it's ironically one of their more common weapons, and it is even legal for a civillian to own one, assuming they have the proper license.
Now try to pronounce it.
[edit] Language
The Bopalanian language has some similarities with English. However, the language is overall more nonsensical and aggrivating. For instance, there are a great deal of suffixes which add absolutely no meaning to the word and simply emphasize it. A common example is the word "absolutely." To emphasize it, one would say "absolutsaly." For further emphasis, they would say "absolutsopozotoively." The highest level of emphasis for absolutely is "absolutsopozoriffikatiffikatoively." The most annoying part is that suffixes aren't consistent, and each word has a different set of them. There are even adjectives and adverbs that simply emphasize, and they have emphasizing suffixes. One such word is tychronforntraniously (An adverb). To add emphasis to this already emphasized word, one would say tychronforntranioxidously. This continues throughout the entire language.
Undertstand?
Good. I need it to be explained to me.
[edit] Word Examples
Many Bopalanian words are similar to their English counterparts. This is because our culture has mildy influenced theirs, as they have observed us for thousands of years. These examples are totally random, but some are included due to their humor.
- Sublibibidibal (Subliminal)
- Serionestly (Seriously & Honestly)
- Oxidonorxibousliphikas (Oxygen)
- Po (Yes)
- Rok (No)
- Eskreebin (Maybe)
- Ipp (Hot)
- Gurt (Cold)
- Krep (Garbage)
- Kartalago (Camera)
- Duexiquatralaxicalistikonurxikailoopixiklorificliranishal (The)
[edit] Romanization
The romanization of Bopalanian is generally very exaggerated and tends to use unorthodox, but completely valid, ways of spelling a sound.
For instance:
- Spontaneous becomes Spawnteiyneeyuhs
- Preview becomes Preevyoo
- Balloon becomes Bahluun
[edit] Homeworld
The Bopalanian homeworld is planet Bopalis. It has no water above ground, but has many underground resivoirs. its outer appearence (see picture) is quite ironic given their intelligence. Many blame it on global warming.
Bopalis has three neighbors: Lm-Nop, Gargantuas (Actually the size of a golf ball, but was given its name out of embarrasment), and Eebeepsybops. Whereas our star system is known simply as "The Solar System," their system is called The Kris Kringlanian system, after a famous person from another planet. Whether this person is real or not is widely debated by Bopalanian scholars.
[edit] Colorations
There are hundreds of skin colors for Bopalanians, but they are not viewed as separate races. Bopalanians view skin colors the same way we view hair color or eye color.
Some colors are more common than others, with light pink being the most common and solid white being the rarest. However, they are all relatively equal.
[edit] Other Various Information That You Don't Care About
Blood Type: Warm-blooded
Natural Armor: Yeah right
Natural Defenses: Um...
Mating Season And Maturity: Hits maturity around age 20. There is no mating season; just like humans, they can reproduce at any time of the year
Gestation: 3 months
Amount of Offspring: Usually one or two
[edit] Note
I am well aware that many of the things proposed in this article (Especially the Doomsday Bomb and the Crawler) are impossible to create in Spore. They are just here for entertainment.
Number Of Times The Word "Unfortunately" Is Used In This Article: 5
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